Facebook Wasn’t Intended For You

18 Apr

The other day some people I know (who are married) had an awkward silence on Facebook.  Did you know that was possible?  I’m sure you actually probably do.

Here’s how it went…  (btw, the names have been changed to protect the idiots happy couple.)

John:  “Why is it that I break my leg but I still have to somehow get the yard mowed but yet she has Spring fever but can’t get the dishes in the dishwasher put away – THAT I LOADED FOR HER!”

Jane:  “UGH!!!!  GET OVER IT.  You’re being such a baby about it!!!”

John:  “If I’m a baby.  Then you’re nothing but a spoiled little bi#*$ that thinks she can walk all over people.”

Jane:  [Jane went from “married” to “it’s complicated”]

John:  “WOMEN!”

——————————————————-

Eventually some mutual friends of the couple (not myself) intervened and told them that they should really go to counseling if they’re wanting to save their marriage.

Obviously the temptation to publicly slander each other was overpowered by the instinct to prove to their friends how “happy” they are, reality notwithstanding.  Arguing in front of their friends, family, and peers seemed to come as naturally as slamming doors to this couple.  This is not the first time they’ve had a fight on Facebook either. 

Facebook has become a place where people can broadcast themselves and show sides of themselves you never even knew existed – sometimes not always the good side.

On the other hand, Facebook is also amazing for seeing photos of long-lost friends’ children.  There were people I barely knew in high school and college who I adore on Facebook.  As an extremely busy mom, going out with friends isn’t something I get to do very often, so Facebook and blogging IS my social life.

John and Jane aren’t the only type of people Facebook wasn’t intended for.  There’s also the know-it-alls, the braggarts, the fishermen, and the insecure Facebooker. 

The Know-it-all is the expert in everything.  They have a strong opinion when it comes to EVERYthing and will tell you all you need to do or know in every aspect of your life.  They are no doubt single … but will tell you just what you need to do in order to save your marriage or ask a person out on a date.

The braggart.  I had a hard time calling this person a liar … or a braggart.  But until I know this person like I know the back of my hand, I’ll just stick with braggart.  This is the person that makes at least one crazy post a day about how little Tommy can ride a bike with no training wheels at age 2.  And how he can also say his ABC’s backwards, read Shakespeare, tie his shoes, and name prime numbers.  Parental pride is completely understandable and we’re definitely allowed to be proud of our children’s milestones.  It says a lot about you as a parent when your child is intelligent.  And I like to hear those things too.  What I get annoyed by is the parents who are CONSTANTLY thrilled about EVERYTHING their child does.  They never have a bad day and their kids never fail.  They start to make the rest of us question where are child fits on the smarts bar and they make us feel like failures.  They are annoying and I most definitely have blocked their status updates.

The fishermen.  Or status baiting as some call it.  We all have at least one friend that does this.  They’re the person you can almost always count on leaving an open-ended status update in hopes of getting people to comment on their post.  You know those statuses:  “Best News EVER!”  …. or “Wondering if it’s even worth it anymore.” …. or “Well that was dumb” ….. or “This place is creepy.”
Here’s an FYI if you’re one of those people:  Nobody cares!! 

and last but definitely not least….

The insecure Facebooker.  The ones where the woman is married to prince charming.  Where her life is so perfect and s/he never has a bad day.  On and on she goes about his glory.  I’m not going to say that a post here and a post there about what your spouse did for you isn’t okay.  I will most likely “like” the status that shows the dozen roses John gave you “just because”.  In fact, if my husband were to EVER buy me flowers, I would more than likely put it on Facebook because my man never does this and I would have to have the proof.  But when your spouse cleans the entire house tomorrow and does the dishes and washes and folds the laundry.  Then buys you a new purse the next day.  Fixed dinner the next and then loaded the fam up and took you to get ice cream afterwards.  And so on and so on.  I start to question your life and undoubtedly your insecurities.  Especially when your spouse isn’t even on Facebook so that they can see what s/he supposedly did.  Everyone (including yourself) knows that you are lying.  Watching a person lie on Facebook is almost as annoying as a person bragging on Facebook.

Facebook is strange but can be used in a very positive way.  It’s not a diary.  And you shouldn’t display your dirty washing on the digital clothes line.

Just sayin….

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