He wanted Buzz Lightyear. Thank goodness (square) Spongebob sufficed. LOL
I don’t hate a lot of things … but I hate YOU. We haven’t had rain. It’s not Spring or Fall. Nothing is blooming. Everything is dead. So go away. You’re not welcome here. I’d rather sport the Rudolph look closer to Christmas.
that made her cough and sneeze.
It was quite red and sniffley,
because of her allergies.
It caused her such disgrace.
Her biggest wish is that her runny nose,
would run right off her face.
I’m not “thumping the bible” (as some may say) in any way. But if you have read any of my past blogs you will see that I am a firm believer in God, Heaven, and Hell. I don’t preach but I do speak my mind. So if you want to continue to follow me – awesome and thank you. If not – fine. But you can simply choose to skip over these sorts of posts. It’s your call.
Every day and every night I say prayers in my head. And I know Cale does the same thing. We tell Cash to and his prayers are usually, “thank you God for my family and my house and my toys and my frog blankie.” But today as I was praying … I started thinking … why don’t we pray more as a family. There’s the normal dinner time prayer but that’s it. Other than that, we’re on our own to pray. As of today the Topinka’s will have a new ritual…
Pray at least twice a day. Definitely a night time prayer together but we need to start adding another prayer time in there as well.
I came across a spousal prayer that couldn’t be more perfect:
Lord Jesus, grant that my spouse and I may have a true and understanding love for each other. Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust. Give us the grace to live with each other in peace and harmony. May we always bear with one another’s weakness and grow from each other’s failings and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness, and the spirit of placing the well-being of one another ahead of itself.
May the love that brought us together grow and mature with each passing year. Bring us both ever closer to You through our love for each other. Let our love grow to perfection. Amen.
Why is it that all that I do lately is cry and vent. I’ve lost my humor.
I’ve started looking for part-time night jobs. It’s to the point where 5 out of 7 days, I don’t like my children. That sounds terrible I know … but it’s true. I love them with everything that I have and everything that I am … but I just can’t do it anymore. I went to the Music Theatre of Wichita last night with my neighbor (and friend). I was gone for four hours. By the time I got home my boys were all fed, bathed, and sound asleep. When I woke up this morning … I couldn’t wait for them to wake up too. It was the best feeling ever to be able to miss them. Sure I missed reading them a story and tucking them in. But I felt alive again when I woke up. My walls no longer felt like they were going to collapse. It wasn’t “just another day”. I received the biggest smiles and hugs. They missed me too. So that tells me right there that I’m not the only one that feels this way. I definitely don’t want to go back to work full-time. And I don’t want to work during the day. I want to be with them during the day … just not ALL day. I want to work a few days during the week and maybe a day during the weekend. It’s not like I see my husband now anyway so it wouldn’t be much different.
I love my boys enough to do this not only for me … but for them. I feel like I’m a mean person during the day. Not all the time. But it gets to the point where somedays all I do is tell Cash, “no” and I don’t want to be that way. I want them to miss me. Not be annoyed by me. I want them to realize they need me. And not just for someone to fix them lunch. I want them to love me. Not always be mad at me. I want them to know there’s a life outside of our little house. Not just a life of Sesame Street and Candyland. And I too want to know there’s a life outside of Sesame Street and Candyland.
Whether such job exists or not, we’ll find out. I just know that since we’re not blessed enough to have someone watch the boys a few hours once or twice a month while the husband and I go on a date … getting a job is my only out. Unless one of you wins the lottery. Then please think of me. I promise I’ll do good things with my cut of your winnings. Thanks.
PS: Me saying I don’t like my kids is just me being dramatic. They are my best friends. But you know how you get with your friends sometimes … annoyed.
Peace, Love, and Popsicles!
The hubby and I have had a night to ourselves twice in fifteen months. Twice … ONE YEAR! And it was a total of 5 hours out. I’ve spend 5 hours total alone with my husband. It upsets me when people say, “Well she doesn’t work so they get to spend a ton of time together.” Honestly … I want to hold up my middle finger to those people and wish they’d turn into a fly on the wall in the Topinka house. I DO work damnit. Job 1 = full time Mommy and housekeeper. Job 2 = at home transcriptionist. Job 3 = full time online student. If I’m not typing or studying, I’m taking care of a child or keeping up with housework. I always have a job to do whether I’m getting paid or not. It is what it is.
A day in the life of the Topinka’s consist of Mommy with one kid … Daddy with the other. Once Daddy comes home from work, Cash has been so couped up in the house that he’s ready to play play play. And by the time he’s finally ready to go to bed it’s between 9 and 10 which is Cale and I’s bedtime also. The baby still wakes up at least twice a night. Which means I am exhausted and ready for bed the second Cash goes to sleep.
Every time I attend a baby shower I give the same advice to the mom-to-be … schedule date night. Because I know first hand what it’s like to not get to go on a date. What it’s like to struggle with your relationship because you don’t get to see eachother. There’s days when the only conversation I have with my husband is when I call him at work when he’s on lunch. And I swear it comes out all gibberish. Goo goo gah gah is officially in my stream of language and to me … it makes perfect sense.
Cale is my best friend. He will always be on my team. He’s the glue that holds our family together. I know how hard I am on him and I wish it’s something I could change but it’s not. He gets to go to work and get away from all of us for 8+ hours a day. Which means he gets the opportunity to miss the boys. The only time I get is if we need milk from the grocery store and I escape for 15 minutes. And trust me … I’ve found the longest route to the grocery store 😉
I swear sometimes the walls in my house are going to cave in on me. But luckily … Cale gets home and puts them back up. I definitely have my emotional breakdowns. But he’s the rock that holds me up. I try not to cry in front of Cash but honestly … I don’t have the choice. Mommy can only be so strong for so long. So I make up a story to tell him of how I just stubbed my toe and it hurt real bad.
This isn’t a pity party for Amanda. That’s not why I’m writing this at all. It’s merely to open your eyes and hope that you appreciate the time you DO get to spend with your significant other. Don’t take that time for granted. Cherish every moment and make memories. Don’t spend that time sleeping or in separate rooms doing your own thing. Take the time to look into eachother’s eyes and fall in love all over again.
I may not get the opportunity to miss my children … but the memories we get to make are priceless.